Addiction of Duplicities
Sometimes, one line in a song or in a Shakespearean play that just sticks out in my head and makes me wonder, “What does that mean?” The line of the day for me is “The addiction to duplicities.” This line is taken from the song “Disintegration” by the Cure on the CD Disintegration (1989).
Using the upside-down Christmas tree, the base of the tree: The album is called Disintegration for the song Disintegration. This CD is very dark and gloomy. At times the beats of the music mirror that of the lonesome, abandon, wowing heartbeat. The middle of the tree: The song Disintegration, the title track of the CD, is one of ambivalence. With the opening line: Oh, I miss the kiss of treachery”, already the narrator is feeling the regret of leaving. He has already decided to leave, but leaving is tearing him apart. He knows that he should leave, but doesn’t want ‘it’ to end. The thoughts of staying and going are being replayed “over and over and over.” The shining star atop/bottom of the tree. “The addiction to duplicities.” It is hard for him to come to terms that he has left the ‘relationship.’ The repetition of good and bad, the parties and the fights and merry-go-rounds “round and round and round.” Never knowing exactly when to stop it all. The debate continues in his mind “hoping for frequency […and] hoping for secrecy”
The addiction of double-dealing, deceitfulness, lying, ambivalence. Whoever this guy is kissing is getting the bulk of the dealings of his indecisiveness. The one whom he is really lying to is himself.
I like the way Robert uses “duplicities.” The double meaning and double meaning are the sort of thing that goes on in this guy’s head. The ambiguity of twofaced double-dealing and the repetition of the whole ordeal. Reliving the end, breakup and hoping for the limerence of younger meat in the old meat. Which begs the question, “When is enough, enough?”
When is enough, enough? Back to suicide, in this case, Robert wants to kill away the relationship, but can’t. He is debating ‘to be, or not to be’ with this person. He weighs out the options and sorts out the ins and outs of his feelings calling what they have a “party piece.” While the good times are really good, the bad times are excruciating, excruciating enough to make him want to end it all (the relationship not life). In fact he does. He is looking back at leaving and wants to go back and repeat what was good. He wants to duplicate the good times. He tries. He tries to duplicate the good times, but it just doesn’t happen, but yet he is addicted to trying. The thing is that he can’t “just let go” of that party piece. Even though he seriously wants to, he can’t.
The repetition of failure is where his pain is coming from. The continual disappointment that the efforts of labor are fruitless and decadence. To this guy, this pain is unbearable. The pain is so unbearable he is willing to end it.
Let’s take on his dilemma: Should he or should he suicide? Well, he is contemplating the suicide of the relationship. This one, he is in the relationship and wants to get out but misses parts of the relationship. So in essence, he is ambivalent in whether he wants to kill the relationship or not. It is clear that he already has ended it, but he can go back as it seems like he has done before. For the suicide of life, this pain of his relationship is certainly driving him bananas and he is in tons of pain. Is this pain enough to drive him to his death? The pain and suffering that he is going through may seem like something that he cannot live with, but is it enough to die for? It doesn’t seem like it. Back to the repetition. He is addicted to the repetition. The ultimate compromise. If he can kill the relationship and not himself, things might be better or maybe not. That is unknown. To not kill the relationship and not kill himself would mean ‘keep on living’ on both accounts. If he didn’t kill the relationship and didn’t kill himself. There wouldn’t be a change and there would the same pain as before and status quo. He would have to kill the relationship or suicide in the sense of the relationship (So yes to suicide). If he killed himself, that would be the end. No more need for a relationship.
When Albert Camus wrote about repetition and the fruitlessness of life, he said something like ‘one must imagine Sisyphus happy.’ This makes me think that Robert’s (or narrator of the song) suffering and pain is part of his happiness. Maybe he is just happy suffering.
In Hamlet by Shakespeare, Hamlet pondered ‘if I did get back with her, would it be worth it?’[1] We (mostly ‘she’) won’t be the same people (person) as when the relationship began. Robert experienced this unknown and decided that he is not the same. Robert is still wishy-washy about the relationship and it seems like he will continue living in the same pain as Hamlet did.
In conclusion, the addiction to duplicities might be what keeps someone alive and might be what makes him happy. In the crisis of debating whether to leave a relationship, someone might also consider suicide. Suicide might not be a bad thing when put in terms of a f-ed up relationship. I’m just sayin’.
November 5, 2010
[1] “The pangs of despised love[…] the spurns that patient merit of the unworthy takes”
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